Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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