So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Gay?
German.
Pity.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
