Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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