I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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