i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
