I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
