If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
