Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
