Got a toothbrush?
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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