Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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