i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
