based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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