No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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