I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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