Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
