please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
