Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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