A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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