I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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