I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize