Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
