i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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