A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize