the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
