I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
