I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Randomize
