Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
