genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
