So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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