Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
did you just send me my own nude
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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