she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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