I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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