He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
