the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
