Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
