the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
