are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
