Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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