My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
