11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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