Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
People with herpes should wear stickers.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
