You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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