I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
