Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize