I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
