I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
