Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you will always have a special place in my vag
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
