Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
