True but thats because hes a fetus.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
