I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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