The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
