I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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