I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
What a fucking waste of an outfit
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize