everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
