he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
