sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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