am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
