Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
