Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
