Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
