Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
