Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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