yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize