walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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