Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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