One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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