So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
