and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize