She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
