I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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