theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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