she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
