Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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